Grief writing - Entry 21
I remember..
I remember optimism and innocence and blind certainty.
My birth plan.
Not a risk in sight.
Manifest the good. Everything will be fine.
But I was terrified of giving birth. Every birthing video I watched I cried because I was scared.
Why was I so scared? Did I know something bad was going to happen?
No, there's no way I could have.
I didn't believe anything bad was going to happen.
I didn't see this coming. The baby at risk didn't even cross my mind.
But I remember her words, seared into my mind.
"Something bad is going to happen. I just know it."
Who says that? It haunts me.
At the time I brushed it off. I was ready, I was going to do this thing.
What did she know that I didn't? She couldn't have really known, could she?
An 18-year-old doesn't know.. She was just worried. Right?