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I remember..

Grief writing - Entry 21


I remember..

I remember optimism and innocence and blind certainty.

My birth plan.

Not a risk in sight.

Manifest the good. Everything will be fine.

But I was terrified of giving birth. Every birthing video I watched I cried because I was scared.

Why was I so scared? Did I know something bad was going to happen?

No, there's no way I could have.

I didn't believe anything bad was going to happen.

I didn't see this coming. The baby at risk didn't even cross my mind.

But I remember her words, seared into my mind.

"Something bad is going to happen. I just know it."

Who says that? It haunts me.

At the time I brushed it off. I was ready, I was going to do this thing.

What did she know that I didn't? She couldn't have really known, could she?

An 18-year-old doesn't know.. She was just worried. Right?

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