How Father's Day Feels After a Baby Dies
Why couldn’t I give my husband a son? He’s so deserving. I don’t know how to make the guilt go away. Some days are way better than others but it keeps creeping back.
If you’re like me, you view your fertility and pregnancy and childbirth like a gift you yearn to give your loving partner and when something prevents that process from being successful self blame creeps in.
When I couldn’t get pregnant I felt frustrated. When Miles died there was an even deeper sense of helplessness. What have I done wrong in this lifetime to deserve this? I took my prenatals / omegas / dha / vitamin D / probiotics all like clockwork.
Anyway, without going back down that rabbit hole I just wanted to say - whether you’re struggling with fertility like I did for over a year, have had a miscarriage or multiple, or couldn’t bring your baby into the world, even in the 37th hour, I’m standing with you in all the emotions that those struggles bring.
Being a parent is not easy, getting pregnant is often not easy, staying pregnant is sometimes not easy, getting the birth you wanted is not a given, and keeping a baby alive feels hard too. Being a foster parent is fucking hard as hell - this I know for sure.
Try to be strong and resilient. The world appreciates you and all you’re trying to accomplish to bring another being into the world or sustain life that is yours to protect.
Let Father’s Day be whatever you need it to be. Painful, quiet, reflective, normal, boring, avoided.
My heart is with everyone missing their fathers, wishing their relationships were closer, or those who have a void where a father figure could be for yourself and/or your child(ren) and “family”. And of course those dads missing their babies.
These holidays are complex, not all about celebration and gifting ties. Hold space and grace for yourself and others who have a hard time with this one.
Wishing a gentle Father's Day to all this coming Sunday.